I Am: Soul's Unique Path By Wiese Christian.

‘I Am’, I Cried 

All of humanity’s problem stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
(Blaise Pascal)

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop for years. Half the world’s population adored him during his reign. Then it became apparent that something inside of him was off, but he didn’t quit trying to stay in the game. I remember him screaming to a handful of onlookers during one of his sexual harassment trials, ‘you ain’t seen nothing yet!’I also saw the preparations for his world tour, 6 months before his death. He still wanted to be the best. What is that drive for fame, love, riches, or whatever else it is that we crave to have? Sometimes it gives us happiness, thrills and life meaning, and sometimes it is like a cancer eating away at us, especially if we don’t get what we want, or if others are perceived to stand in our way. In the case of Michael Jackson, he experienced the ups and downs of life across the entire spectrum over his multi-decade career. He had both his feet in the real world and got after fame with whatever he got. We spiritual travelers start disengaging with the inner craving for external approval and transform it into wholesome journey inwards. It’s a different mission statement entirely, and both journeys have challenges that come with it.

This engine—this ego drive to be someone in other people’s eyes and get rewarded handsomely for it—was what expelled us from the Garden of Eden in the first place. It wasn’t Eve tempting Adam who was responsible for our plight, it was Adam’s inability to sit still, even surrounded by love, beauty and divinity. The symbol of the snake is kundalini energy stuck in a lower chakra. The problem statement of us being expelled from the Garden due to the drive to explore the world on our own was beautiful expressed in Diana Ross song ‘Ain’t no Mountain High Enough’:

I know you must follow the sun,
wherever it leads
but remember, if you should fall short of your desires,
remember, life holds for you one guarantee,
you always have Me. 

God tells us that we are not alone on our journey for self-expression, and that the door to our Home-coming always remains wide open. Yet, first we must run after our desires because we haven’t yet reached the maturity to leave them behind. To go back to the example of Michael Jackson, he could have fallen in love with his artistic expression instead, and thus not mind so much that his reign as King of Pop had ended. He could have used his name and fame for becoming an ambassador for the philanthropic causes he felt strongly about. In other words, he could have developed his spiritual side even in his life-time but he wasn’t quite ready for it. So fighting for fame he did, until his last day. We wish he could have stayed around longer, but apparently he finished his soul mission.

Have you ever wondered why so many in our spiritual community are struggling a bit? With one foot in the real world and the other in the spiritual world, inner conflicts often prevail. Many empaths cannot make a comfortable living in a so perceived ruthless commercial world. Maybe we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves though and accept this as the price to pay to be a step ahead on the journey Home. The inner restlessness and drive for external approval has almost exhausted itself, yet, we haven’t quite found the magic sauce to excel in both worlds. Isn’t it written that those who are last shall be first? Maybe we are the old souls who are just tired of that old game of fighting for external approval that always will get disappointed in the end. Who knows, maybe some of us ‘drifters’ have been the Elvis, Rockefeller, Casanova, or Genghis Khan in a prior lifetime. With nothing left to prove we are hanging out, restless, not knowing what the final step is.

As have just established myself as author and spiritual coach, I can tell you something about my inability to sit still. Every good author will tell you that books write themselves. Like a good stew you have to let the ideas simmer until you ‘smell’ that another delicious meal is ready. Similarly, in the spiritual counseling business, clients find you when they are ready. You don’t go around fishing for them. So for the last year I have been patient, waiting for my business to grow. It was then when I realized the enormous drive and restlessness that is still within me. Well, there is little we can do about it but to accept it. Spirituality is different from other professions, you can’t simply work harder, meditate more, or visit more gurus to get enlightened. To the contrary, the secret of our ‘trade’ is to seek solitude, go inwards and find the and stillness inside. Reflecting on the inner dilemma on the spiritual professional who subconsciously seeks external approval I realized that the situation I saw a quote by Ramesh Balsekar—Seekers continue to practice all kinds of self-torture without realizing that such ‘spiritual practice’ is a reinforcement of the very ego that prevents them from their natural, free state—which made me realize that seeking enlightenment is really a Catch 22:

The seeker of God is the one 
who doesn’t want to let go.
There once was a time 
when I ran after women and power.
There once was a time 
when I wanted reputation and prestige.
Searching enlightenment is the same.

Today is a good day
to drop the final illusion.
Just stop and smell the flowers.
There is nothing to seek.
There is nothing to acquire.
Just look around, can you see Her?
The finder of God is already Home.

There is absolutely nothing you can do. If you caught in a twilight zone like me, caught with one foot in the real world and the other in the spiritual world, just accept the inner tension and be one with it. If you really want to be with God, at least be happy that you have made the first hurdle that the external approval is no longer as important to you so that you would sacrifice anything dear to you in order to get it. Be happy about the fact that you already have one foot in the Garden; the other foot shall join when you are ready for the final step. 

When I was working on this note I heard two Neil Diamond songs on two separate Boston stations within 10 minutes. Besides ‘Sweet Caroline’ which is the Boston Red Sox theme song, we don’t hear Neil Diamond that often, so amused by the synchronicity, I started listening to the lyrics of ‘I Am, I Said’ and realized that it in fact carries a very deep spiritual meaning:

“LA is fine, but it ain’t home.
New York is home, but it ain’t mine no more”

describes the familiar ‘with or without you’ feeling that we all know so well.

“Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed
of being a king, and then became one.

describes the Michael Jackson success story, but Neil complains that he still feels empty inside. So in desperation he cries,

“But I’ve got an emptiness inside me and I tried,
but it won’t let go. I’ve never cared for the sound of being alone.”

“I Am”, he cried, not knowing how close he is to liberation. Just a little step further, withstanding the sound of being alone, facing the restlessness without moving an inch, to finally realize at the end of a long journey, “I Am That I Am”! Enlightenment will find you when you are ready for it. When you are fed up with the missions you once ran after, and when you have the boldness to face the inner loneliness, emptiness, and fear of being a nobody, just be one with it. The tension will naturally dissolve and something magical will emerge instead Just watch!
I Am: Soul's Unique Path By Wiese Christian. I Am: Soul's Unique Path By Wiese Christian. Reviewed by julie sasha on February 21, 2019 Rating: 5

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